Finishing is a sweet reward in itself, isn’t it? My assignment now being done, I can safely move on to more introspective and reflective pursuits…

This Yesterday morning I was driving to Uni, not really thinking about much at all, listening to Nova. As is usual on commercial radio, before long I was listening, quite passively, to an ad break. Surprise of all surprises: an ad caught my attention (for the second time in a couple of days, no less) and I was taken in.

It’s a defence force ad, talking about telecommunication engineers. The defence guys have been running this campaign for a while now, and I’d suggest it’s a fairly successful one. These ads contrast a “typically” dreary and unchallenging day-to-day work situation with a high energy, high responsibility, high urgency defence force emergency… The heat of combat. Chopper blades throbbing, equipment beeping, radio comms all around, and then the voiceover saying that a component is malfunctioning and you’re in charge. Now.

The thing is, I love to work “in the moment” – to think fast and use every skeric of detail available when time is short. Analyse it properly – there’s no room for error – but do it quickly, and come up with 3 options or a 5-step plan to remedy the situation. And do it with confidence, a little flair and a lot of good reasoning.

Well, this particular time the ad caught me right off guard, and it really hit home that there’s basically no way I’ll ever be in that kind of crisis/emergency leadership position. I’m studying and slaving and vying to get me a certified desk job, right on the top crease of the white collar, where us lawyers and CEOs and management consultants hob-nob and schmooze while the real emergencies rise or fall on other minds in other places.

I was processing the unexpected immensity of this realisation which welled up from within, and its depth meant that my mind drew a blank for a while. Still, I took the opportunity to change over to some music of my own choice and leave the ads behind. Like the Bond martini, I was a little shaken, but still mostly together.

Mashing play on my still-oh-so-cool Sony NW-S706F Network Walkman allowed its internal Shuffling Leprechauns to play a certain track by a particular diva who shall remain nameless (I’m pleading the 5th here). It was [early] 90s, it was live, and there is good reason for it to have spent time at #1. For a few minutes I was captured by the music, and the beautiful sounds those musicians created together made me catch my breath, enthralled.

If I wasn’t already sitting down I’m sure the second realisation in six minutes would have knocked me over.

I might never get the chance to respond to a crisis situation at the eleventh hour, but I am satisfied with the newfound understanding that I can still put my best white collar hours in at work for whatever greater good I deem worthwhile, and then go and experience the thrill and delight of making music with likeminded creative people. This is one thing at least which makes my heart leap, or soar, or weep, or yearn.

Shaken, and stirred.

Wait, this is silly. I plan my life, wrenching Friday night free from all other activity and now I’m here procrastinating. Well not any more… Work before pleasure and all that.

Next fixation coming soon…just after the Big 2000 is done.

Edit | Same day (just), 3 hours 22 minutes later
1985 words and I’m off for a drink – fixation a bit later.

If you look down a long, straight road, ideally from a slightly elevated position, you will [be able to] notice a number of things. The first is probably that you’re looking down a long straight road for no particular reason, so suppress the feeling of being a weirdo and move onto the next paragraph.

You will most likely [be quite able to] note that you can see all of the construction and objects on either side of the road diminishing in size as they tend toward the horizon. If you could hang a thick cord in midair the same distance off the ground along the whole length of the road, from your perspective it would appear to angle down and in until it vanishes, at the very same point that the road meets the horizon and also disappears.

Of course, I am describing a parallax vision effect, and where everything seems to culminate and disappear is called the vanishing point. Because of learning and life experience, we know that the buildings, trees and cars along the road aren’t actually dwindling to the size of ants, but rather, they are simply getting further and further away.

My six week intermission has had a fortunate early reprise. I am now out of the bonds which held me restrained, and the newfound freedom is blissful. So before the life lessons fade and vanish, like the road, into agèd obscurity…

(more…)

Allow me to tell you the story of a fantastic musical event which took place only a few nights ago. A great team of willing volunteers came together to put on an event which surpassed all expectations. The night drew to a close and all was well. But a blackness crept into the room and lingered, seeking to devour a poor victim.

Okay, enough melodrama. The blackness was actually black shade cloth, which was lying on the ground waiting to be folded up. And of course, I was the one who managed to slip on it and fall very hard on my left arm.

It broke.

So now I am sitting at home, unable to play piano, type with both hands, drive myself anywhere or even stretch my left arm.

This is an unusual kind of life for me. I am so used to being able to do whatever I want in my own capacity, but now I am curtailed. In truth, it is quite frustrating – everything that I would choose to do to relax or unwind or relieve stress seems to require the use of my left hand. My entire life has had to be rescheduled, and not without some pain.

This is a six-week intermission.

As I sit here and pen (key?) this entry, I am no more than 15 metres from the water’s edge. I drink plunger coffee and my favourite music plays in the background. I am relaxed, and much more so than I have been in recent memory. In the last two days I have done little and thought much. It is good for the soul.

There are two words which I have been dwelling upon during my random moments of reflection: satisfaction and fulfilment. Think for a moment and see if you can decide – can you have only one and not the other? Perhaps at some occasions you can have both? Ah, but I’m getting ahead of myself…

I find that I experience moments of satisfaction, but I always desire ongoing fulfilment. Events and circumstances can be momentarily satisfying, but if that is all they leave me longing for more. In stark contrast, normal life may be thrilling or mundane, but if it fits into the definition of fulfilling it brings me great comfort.

Life is more than fleeting satisfaction. Life is both one and the other.