Apparently this is a big event in society. A milestone, a coming of age. Reason for dinner with family and/or a big shindig.

Oh, yeah, units. 662695445 seconds. Happy birthday to me.

like memories of a faded daydream,
things i think i saw. i cling
so tightly to what i hope is real
it’d be my end if it were wrong

it seems so easy on the face of it,
to find out all there is about You.
surely i could want it more
than i do, to see You one day

what exactly do i see
why do i say that i believe
who is it that i think i know
why don’t i always live like i believe

be real to me
empty

what is time, if not just time alone
to piece together all the wisps
which give so many all they need to see you
as real as they see me

and what if i could for an instant
look deep into the truth and find
a wealth of sorrow for this one
searching for proof

what exactly do i see
why do i say that i believe
who is it that i think i know
why don’t i always live like i believe

be real to me
empty

and what if You could make me
merely glimpse the overwhelming one
who’d die to show me reality
in all the hope that i’d dreamed

be real to me
empty

Woke up this morning and did some errands before coming in to work. At the moment I’ve got a stack of stuff due for Uni, a particular relational issue which is rougher than 40 grit and the resulting correlative lack of sleep. So there’s no quantifiable reason why it should be the case, but I feel ridiculously calm and centred today.

And that’s it – there’s nothing else to be said. Just calm.

Speechless… [Contented sigh.]

Interesting how vividly the simple blog can depict such macabre moods as the previous entry. Rest assured, things always improve.

You know, some hold to the phrase “Never say never, always or forever.” I don’t. Negative concepts of eternity should certainly be curtailed, but always and forever have such optimistic potential.

The grief is moderated now, by simply forgetting the undesirable past and planning for an exciting future. Bring it on – forever is going to be fantastic.

M out.

It ranks as one of the worst kinds of feeling, just below regret and guilt.

Tonight I felt, for the first time I’d not denied, for real, the insidious realisation of a friend[ship] lost. Its history has been eventful, and such events took it in a starkly different direction to that which speculative hindsight would suggest it should go. How I wish that we’d – no, I’d – made better choices, waited for the passing of time to make all the minutiae clear. What a different world and worldview my friend and I would share.

So I rue the likeliness of our friendship’s future impossibility. I just miss my friend as she once was, and the friend she could have become.