For the first time in a long time my head and my heart are in agreement, experiencing a certain harmony. Perhaps because of this, or maybe in light of it, I am enjoying the serene stillness of a sleeping city. Until moments ago I was outside, gently throwing a ball for the dog to fetch and listening to the soft rumble of the thin distant traffic.

When I look deep within I am pleased to be here, but reaching the depths from the welcoming shallows frequently requires much effort.

I’m going outside again. I may be some time.

OK, so doubt and faith go hand in hand. I can deal with that, not a big concern. Let’s leave the larger issues of greater consequence aside for the moment, for others less vital are more pressing.

In contrast to doubt, the related states of hesitance and uncertainty are quite distinct, incredibly unbecoming and totally unsuited to my philosophy for living well. I don’t like it, mostly because I don’t understand it, and what we don’t understand, we can easily fear.

Reasonable doubt is enough reason in and of itself. Deciding on the balance of probabilities is out of the question for this one.

Or at least, I believe it a little more with each passing day.

at Henley

at a friend’s place on a balmy night