Could it be a real problem that I experience feelings of trepidation and anxiety when certain names, events or experiences which were once dear to me now cross into my awareness? For this is exactly what I find occurring at times, daily or more, and notably more prevalent since the start of this year. Only now have I realised that these feelings weigh so heavy on my heart, my subconscious screaming of a great personal urgency and significance I do not understand.
I wonder if these undesirable and undesired feelings are a product of recent experience. Have I overdone it? What have I done? How could I change that now?
On the other hand, I wonder if these circumstances present an opportunity to break away from the world they describe, and move into a different phase of life? A different sphere of influence, perhaps, opening up the boundaries of friendships, activities, skills and pursuits? As I reread these thoughts (longings?) my heart leaps and I am cheered a little at the prospect of a better life.
One thing I do know – the present condition is incredibly taxing, and the toll it’s exacting is directly proportionate to the size of the knot in my gut. It’s abundantly clear: something has to change. And in the changing, I foretell that others are likely to be surprised, shocked, even offended.
But what is a life if not personal, and what is a personal life if not preferential, or worse, not enjoyable?
You have been warned. Or you will have been. Whatever.
I am officially Rocking Out tonight. It’s just me, here in my solitude, entombed in my bedroom haven. But for now, with only a little imagination, I could be hanging off the stage at the loudest, blackest, rocking-outest metal concert this clean-cut jazz-loving ballad-playing anti-emo ever dared to think about dreaming about.
There is head nodding. And rocking back and forth in time with the rocking out drummer as he punctuates every slide, slap and sizzle the bass player coerces from his axe. Eerie, haunting lead vocals. Crunchy, angry electric guitar distortion cranked up to 11.
And I just turned it up. Rock. Rock on.
Somebody recently asked me what I do for a hobby. Well, if you discount playing piano or producing music, and making coffee, there isn’t much time left for me to do much else. However, before the Christmas break I resolved to begin a real hobby project during my time off. (Incidentally, “resolved” is used here in the truest sense of the word, as I do not believe in using a significant but arbitrary time measurement milestone to prompt a lifestyle change.)
You see, I had been reading online about various different hobby electronics projects. My interest in all audio related things caused my interest to be piqued at the idea of building a headphone amplifier. More specifically, a CMoy headphone amplifier, based on the excellent circuit published by a guy by the name of Chu Moy at Headwize. In actual fact, the tutorial and schematic I’m using comes from Tangent.
The rest of this fixation will simply journal my first electronics experience for a while and provide a description of the Australian distributors and construction methods I used. If that sounds interesting to you, read on.